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Future Knights: Prologue

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Future Knights: Prologue

Post by Decade on Wed Feb 26, 2014 7:18 pm

Prologue

Have you ever taken a moment, to look upon the night sky?

Wondering, just what lies above in the eternal darkness? What secrets hid in the eternal shadow that seemed endless, with the only source of light being the twinkling beacons that graced it?

I remember when I was younger, I used to dream of the darkness holding all sorts of mysterious and wondrous secrets. Things like gods and demons clashing for control over our petty lives. Creatures of all shapes and sizes, each with their own name and majesty about them. And lands so wondrous and odd, that you couldn't help but want to explore every inch of them, leaving no secret undiscovered!

I always wished to one day travel up there. To escape the shackles of my life as a royal, and find something, someone up there waiting for me, to welcome me into that life of wonder and freedom.

I never thought the day would come, where the darkness would come to greet me itself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did it hurt?

"...An...."

Why did her mouth taste of copper? Why was the ground hard and rough? Why was she even on the ground to begin with?

"La....Anna get u..."

A light moan was heard as a pair of eyelids opened up weakly, revealing a pair of crystalline blue orbs.

"Lady Anna get up!!!"

The eyes opened widely as a blond haired woman shot up from the ground, only to cry out in pain as she grasped her left arm. Gritting her teeth to hold back the pain, the woman looked down towards her arm and winces at the sight. The set of plated armor used to cover her arm had seemingly been melted off, and its' once silver coating was now riddled with a dark red tint.

And it didn't help that her arm was burning ferociously.

"Lady Anna you're alive!"

The woman, identified as Anna, looked up as a tall rugged looking man in a set of ginger colored paladins armor ran towards her, as he carried in his right hand a blood ridden sword with a matching colored handle and guard. His head was saved of hair but he had a thick beard and mustache, both of which consisted of a dark brown that matched his eyes, which seemed to be filled with relief and fear.

"Thank the Sacreds you are alright!" the man stated as he knelled beside Anna down only to gasp, "My lady! Your arm is-"

"It's nothing Berragot." Anna interrupted as she forced herself to her feet, "I can still stand. Meaning I can still fight."

"But my lady, you are in no condition to-

Anna however reached out and grabbed and grasped Berragot's sword out of his hands with her good arm. Before he could respond she pulled back and thrust forward at him with the weapon.

As the blade sailed past his head and into the skull of an axe wielding black armored knight standing right behind him.

Anna retracted the blade just as swiftly as the body of the would be assassin fell, blood spilling out of the fresh hole in his head. She scoffed as she shoved the sword back into Berragot's arms as he flimsy grabbed it back in shock.

"I said, I can fight."

With that Anna walked past the giant of a man as he turned around and cried out for her. She however focused her gaze upon the ground. Bodies of all kinds littered the soil, weapons broken and scattered, blood painting the once green grass a dark red. But she cared not for them at all.

Where was it, where was her-

Ah.

"There you are."

Anna reached down as she grasped the handle of an object and pulled it out the corpse of a black knight. It was a rapier, elegantly colored with a beautiful oceanic turquoise. The hand guard was shaped to resemble flower petals as they curled around her armored covered hand, as the blade itself was thin and reached out a good three feet before ending in a slightly wider tip.

Crystal Rose. Her own personalized tool of combat.

"Don't leave me again partner." Anna spoke as a smile graced her face for a second before her expression turned cold. Standing back up, she turned her gaze outwards, finally focusing on what had led to her loss of a weapon, her injured arm, and the countless bodies that littered this once beautiful landscape.

War.

Down below the hill Anna stood upon, the sounds of screams, clashing metal, and cries of pain filled the sky. Countless waves of armored knights could be seen clashing and slaughtering each other upon the carnage ridden field. The sky itself was coated in endless gray clouds, as if the Sacreds themselves were watching the bloodshed and changing the weather to match the mood. How befitting.

As Anna watched the fighting, she quickly took note of the waves of silver still remaining amongst the struggle. That silver armor, embedded with the symbol of the mighty Griffon, belonged to the Kingdom of Enestar, one of the four kingdoms of Terresia, and was the symbol of her home for which this fighting was taking place for. A proud and noble people, the knights of Enestar seemed to be giving everything they had and more, even as the body count of their own comrades continued to climb.

Anna's grip on her rapier seemed to tighten. Her proud and noble soldiers held strong and firm, but she could easily tell that Enestar was quickly beginning to lose this fight. Even as bright as the silver armor seemed shined within the chaos, it was quickly being overcome by the black sea of their enemies.

Noir.

Their armor twisted like jagged rocks, their blades as seemingly as dark as their colored armor, the servants of Noir seemed to be slowly gaining the advantage over the proud soldiers of her kingdom. And for good reason. Those that fought for Noir fought like savage beast. Unafraid, unending, and with strength that seemed almost inhuman, the knights of Noir fought as if they didn't even know the meaning of the word death.

How was that even possible? Just what kind of dark and twisted magic did Noir possess to make their forces such a threat?

"Lady Anna."

Anna's head snapped to her left, as Berragot stood beside her. His worried expression from before was now gone, replaced by the stance and tone of a proud soldier of Enestar. One willing to sacrifice his life for his kingdom and his lady, even if it meant going into the hell that awaited him down below.

"Your orders?"

Anna closed her eyes as she turned her head back to the carnage. Her eyes then snapped open as she dashed down the hill and towards the sounds of chaos. Berragot simply smiled as he followed.

"As expected of you, my lady."


Last edited by TrueHeartKnight on Fri Feb 28, 2014 11:12 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Future Knights: Prologue

Post by Jain vi Bookshelvia on Wed Feb 26, 2014 7:52 pm

Well, as a editor, I saw some issues with comma use, but that can be remedied.

As for that actual material, I feel that you're stumbling into something that many others tend to do as as well.

You're telling, not showing.

Crystal Rose. Her own personalized tool of combat. "Don't leave me again partner." Anna spoke as a smile graced her face for a second before her expression turned cold. wrote:

You're telling the reader how that's how personalized tool of combat. Readers often want to draw their own conclusions, the fantasy much more appealing when done through their own deductions and reasoning.

Instead, try highlighting their familiarity. Show how Anna is able to do more with her rapier than what most are even capable of. Show how and why this weapon is personalized.

Describe how Anna leaps into the fray, displaying her courage and resolve to fight alongside her men. Show her charisma as her comrades' vigor grows as they see their commander joining them in the frontlines.

Small details always help paint a more colorful image.

Then again, I could be just nitpicking. Do what you will, just an opinion and all that.
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