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"Dishing out a Lesson" (Crystallites Short Story)

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"Dishing out a Lesson" (Crystallites Short Story)

Post by Jaytonicsonic on Fri Dec 19, 2014 3:57 am


Okay so if you have glanced over what is down below, you have already noticed that this is written differently than your average story post. That's because I didn't write this novel style but instead wrote this as a comic book script. You have probably read a comic or manga before, this is how they are written (Or at the very least how western comic books are written.) 

Why am I telling you this?
1). You are going to come across some terminology that you probably won't get that will need explaining.

2). A comic book script is meant for the eyes of the artist drawing it, the editor, and so on. The public eye doesn't see this unless you are studying to write like this. Obviously I have don't have an artist to draw this...or do I? That's where you, the reader comes in. You are the artist, the inker, the color, and the letterer. The relationship you and I share is so important. The most important part of a comic is its art. That is first thing that catches your eye when you open a comic book or a manga. It is my job as a writer to describe each panel (THERE'S THAT TERMINOLOGY COMING INTO PLAY) as detailed as I possibly can so the artist can draw them. How detailed it has to be varies from person to person because of the artist, but since you are my artist, it is my job to make sure you can draw everything in your head. 

With that out of the way, let me explain the terminology you are going to come across here. 

This shows that everything is on that page. So everything that is written under PAGE ONE until you get to PAGE TWO is all meant to be on that page. While this is important under normal circumstances, this isn't normal so it is not that important. I just wanted you to know. 

Big Panel/Small Panel/Panel
This is just to indicate the size of the panel on the page. A panel is an individual frame that consists of a single drawing depicting a frozen moment. So on page one since there are only two panels, you can imagine how big/small they are compared to each other. Why the size difference? Just indicate the importance of one over the other. Each panel is numbered to tell you the order they appear in. 

This one is easy. This is just to indicate the speech bubble is a thought bubble and isn't saying it out loud. Here's a page that has an example of that.

This is to tell the letterer (You) how many speech bubbles are on the page. On page one, there are three indicators. This means that there are three speech bubbles on that page. 

This means the character is off panel, but is still talking. The speech bubble appears on the panel, but it travels off the panel. 

There are more terminologies than the ones I listed above, but that covers everything that you will see below. 

Now I know some of you may already know this stuff, but it is never safe to assume. This is weird I know, but I like writing like this and want to get better at it. I know this will never get turned into an actual comic, but I hope I was detailed enough for you guys. If I wasn't tell me. Thank you for reading this. 



Panel 1 (Big Panel)
With his back against the wall in an alley way, our blue feathered friend was out doing one simple thing: shopping. He didn't need much, just some milk and a loaf of bread. Both items are in the plastic bag he is carrying. But the situation he's in is anything but simple.

          Why does this always happen to me?

     (2) ROBBER
          Stop stalling and give me your money.

A human robber stands in front of him pointing a gun at him. He is trying his best to be intimidating with that gun of his. It's ruined by his clothes though. This robber chose to wear the most stereotypical clothing that a robber from a children's cartoon would wear; a black ski mask, a long sleeve black sweater, blue jeans, and black running shoes. See? Stereotypical robber.

Panel 2 (Small Panel)
Even though Hayato has his back against the wall, he isn't intimated by this cartoon robber. He's more bothered about the fact that this whole situation is wasting his time. He just wants to leave. That feeling can be seen on his face. Plus there is another thing that makes this "stick-up" a little awkward.

      (3) HAYATO (THOUGHT)
            Did you ever think I don't have any money to give?


Panel 1
Yeah that's a problem isn't it? Robber wants money, but anthro being rob has no money. He brought enough money to get what he needed. Getting robbed wasn't on the list. Whelp he is stuck here, now he needs to get out of here. He moves forwards a little towards the robber, putting on a friendly smile.

       (1) HAYATO
            Sorry to bust your bubble, but I don't have any money to take so-

Panel 2
The robber cuts him off, shoving his gun into Hayato's chest. How does Hayato respond? He puts both his hands up immediately so that the robber won't shoot.

       (2) ROBBER
            Liar! You came out of the store with stuff.
            So you is gonna give me the cash, now!

Panel 3
Well that's great. The guy apparently was watching Hayato the entire time planning to rob him.

       (3) HAYATO (THOUGHT)
            Stalker much?

This doesn't bother Hayato much. It does weird him out a little thinking about it. Someone was watching him without him knowing about it. That would weird out anybody. He puts the thought aside to focus on the more pressing matter at hand. Hayato puts on a more serious face towards the robber.

       (4) HAYATO
            Look dude, I'm trying to help you here.
            Walk away now before something...bad happens.

Panel 4
The robber has a really smug look on his face after hearing that. You can practically read what is going through the robber's mind after hearing that. "You is fully of hot air. I have a gun and he has nothing. He can't touch this." His self confidence is really high now and it can be seen.

       (5) ROBBER (THOUGHT)
            Listen to this guy.

       (6) ROBBER
            "Something bad will happen"?
            You is just making empty bluffs.

Panel 5
Ever tried to help a friend by giving him some really sound advice, but he just doesn't listen and makes the mistake anyway? Hayato has that kind of feeling, the kind that makes you want to go inside the person head and push the "Stop being dumb" button. Hayato closes his eyes in disappointment. He didn't want to do this.
       (7) HAYATO
            I warned you.


Panel 1
At that, Hayato grabs the gun with his left hand, catching the robber off guard.

       (1) ROBBER

Panel 2
Hayato swings and hits the robber with his bag. It pushes the guy towards the wall behind him, losing the gun while doing so. The robber hits the wall hard, knocking over some garbage cans on the way down.

       (2) SFX

Panel 3
The robber is in pain. He has never been pushed with great force like that before. It was new to him and it all happened so fast. Leaning forward, he is rubbing his back to ease the pain. His eyes are closed so he can't see what's in front of him right now.

Panel 4
He opens his eyes to see something very familiar pointing at him now. It's his gun. He didn't even realize that it was taken from him it happened so fast.


Panel 1
Hayato is standing above him pointing the gun at the robber. This non-threatening looking anthro at first now looks like the mist dangerous man the robber has ever met in his life. Hayato has successfully turned the tables on him.

       (1) HAYATO
            I didn't want to do this.

Panel 2
That smugness the robber had is gone and his self-confidence has been shattered completely. Now he is the one that wants to get out this situation. It was all suppose to be easy. Just corner Hayato in an alley, take all his coinage, and leave. It wasn't suppose to out like this.

       (2) ROBBER
            L-Look man. We can talk about this.
            No need to be all aggressive.

Hayato, stilling pointing the gun at him, isn't having none of that.

       (3) HAYATO
            Now you want to talk?

Panel 3
Hayato tried to nice. He tried to help him, but he didn't listen. He continued with his business and got himself into this situation. All of this is seen on his face.

       (4) HAYATO
            I tried to be the nice guy and help you.
            But you didn't listen and now you have to pay the price.

Let us put this puppy to bed shall we?

Panel 4
The robber leans back against the wall to try his best to put some distance between himself and the anthro pointing a gun at him. He composure has broken down and now he's starting to sweat after hearing what Hayato just said to him.

       (5) ROBBER

Panel 5
Hayato looks really sorry for what he is about to do.

       (6) HAYATO
            I'm sorry.

Panel 6
The robber closes his eyes. He doesn't want to see the bullet that is about to end his life. The gun goes off.

       (7) SFX


Panel 1
That's weird. The gun went off, but the robber feels fine. What gives? He opens his eyes to find out what happened.

        (1) ROBBER

Panel 2
In front of him is the gun. There is smoke emitting from the barrel. That much he can see, but the gun isn't pointing at him. Then if the bullet didn't hit him, where did it hit?

Panel 3
The gun is pointing at the garbage can next to him. There's a small dent in it where the bullet hit. The bullet itself is on the ground next to the can. The robber sees all of this and is really confused. One the one hand, he is glad that the bullet didn't hit him. But on the other, he doesn't get why Hayato shot the garbage can?

        (2) HAYATO (OFF)
             It's not nice to steal from people.
             Especially from people who are stronger than you.

Panel 4
Hayato casually tosses the gun back to the robber. The robber catches it. He is still confused about what's going on, but he's not going to question it. After all he is still alive. Who is he to question this guy?

        (3) HAYATO
             Don't let me catch you stealing again.

Panel 5
The robber runs out of the alley at high speeds. This is probably the fastest he has ever run in his life. He doesn't want to run into that blue feathered anthro ever again. He didn't think about trying to shoot Hayato. Even if he did, he probably would've done something to dodge the bullet and take the gun away again. Would he show mercy a second time, he doesn't know. What he does know is that he needs to get away from Hayato. Hayato himself watches the robber run out of the alley at high speeds.


Panel 1 (Small Panel)
Now alone in the alley, Hayato leans against the wall behind him and slides down it until he hits the floor, relieved that he solved that without getting too rough with him.

       (1) HAYATO

Panel 2 (Big Panel)
With the problem solved, Hayato can now leave at his leisure...after he calms down. He is on the ground freaking out and sweating buckets. He has his left hand over his heart, clenching it tightly. His heart was pounding so fast before that it felt like it was going to pop out of his chest. In fact he thinks his blood pressure has risen because of this.

       (2) HAYATO (THOUGHT)
            That was close.
            That was close.
            That was close.

That is the only thing going through his head. He knew that the guy wasn't going to shoot him. He could see that he didn't have it in him. But when Hayato took the gun, he put the robber's life in his hands. What if he missed? What if he accidentally killed him? These thoughts are racing through his mind right now. But he didn't and he's glad for that. Still, all the "what if's" are there. And to think, all he wanted to do was get some milk and bread.

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